Tale of the Naughty Phone

Sometimes, as I’m typing on my phone, when I hit ‘space,’ it types the word, “naked” of its own free will.

I’m not making this up.

I have no idea why it does it. No idea how it got started doing it. But it’s always the word NAKED, and it seems to happen randomly. It started today when I was doing some Facebook messaging, and it continued for a good portion of the morning. It’s quite awkward when it happens.

For example, a message I wrote this morning (from bed, no less) would have, unedited, said, “I naked don’t naked want naked to naked overexcite naked you, naked but naked my naked new naked cookbook has naked an naked entire naked chapter naked devoted naked to naked chili naked.”

So much for not overexciting the recipient of that one.

I’m beginning to think it’s haunted by the spirit of Jeffrey from Coupling.


Why else would it be constantly saying, “NNNAKED”?

I mean, seriously! I don’t know that I’ve ever even typed NAKED on my phone of my own free will. I won’t say that’s impossible, but I certainly don’t recall voluntarily discussing nudity on Facebook or Twitter.

…yeah, okay, so I probably have said NAKED in both of those places at a variety of times.

But why did NAKED get saved to my phone as the random space-word?

I’m always afraid I’ll MISS one of the nakeds when it happens, so I’ll end up sending a text to someone that says, “I’m going naked to the store. Do you need anything?”

With my luck, I’ll probably send a semi-professional text to my agent or someone that says, “I finally sent you that naked email!”

At this point, the word NAKED is losing all meaning. Perhaps that’s why my phone does it, to brainwash me into some sort of naked-saying weirdo with an immunity to unsolicited, semi-naughty interjections. Then, just when I’ve resigned myself to a lifetime of naked texts and public posts, it’ll switch to something worse, like CROTCH or LUBRICANT.

And now I’ve spread the disease. You’ll be seeing and hearing NAKED everywhere you turn, now. Like Jeff, you’ll write it on a piece of paper and rub your face in it—you’ll say it aloud, drawing it out, “NNNNNAAAAAAKED,” probably in a semi-public place when you think you’re alone but actually a mother and small child is standing behind you.

And you will think of me.

You’re welcome.

Thank you, naughty phone, for this curse.

The Worst Possible Advice to Give a Shy Person

I am both shy and introverted.* Dreadfully shy and extremely introverted. I used to get nervous calling to order pizza. As a newspaper reporter, I would shake violently before interviews. I’ve overcome a lot of this, but I still have to fight against my own nature when dealing with social situations.

And I get a lot of advice about how to deal with my shyness, most of it unsolicited and still more of it unhelpful. But the cruelest, worst possible advice you can give to someone who is shy?

“Don’t be shy.”

People say this to introverts and shy people alike, and every time I hear it, I want to punch the person who says it in the head—but of course, I’m far too shy to either threaten to do so or to act on the threat.

Think about that piece of advice. Really think about it. When you say that to a person who is shy and can’t help it, you’re telling her to turn off one of the most powerful and crippling parts of her personality. If she could turn it off, she would.

It is NEVER that simple. Tell a person who is scared of heights to just stop being afraid. Tell an alcoholic to quit drinking. Tell anyone to stop being who they are, and you’ll get nowhere, and probably offend them in the process.

Being shy is not a choice. Being shy is part of who I am.

Over the weekend, I was at a festival all on my own. I had lots of acquaintances there, of course, as well as a few friends, but for the most part, I was attending all by my lonesome. And when I’m surrounded by people who know each other, I tend to pull deeper into my shell.

At one point, I called my husband and said, “You know, I think X-Person sees that I’m shy, and he tends to treat me like you treat Portia (our timid cat): like I’ll freak out and run away to hide at any moment. Is that how people see me? Do I really seem that scared?”

“Yes and no,” Drew said. “X-Person knows you’re an introvert, and he’s trying to make you comfortable. But you do seem nervous in crowds.”

I sighed. “I feel like Portia right now. I feel overstimulated and freaked out and I want to go sit in the corner and groom myself frantically until I feel better.”

And I did. (The sitting in the corner part, not the frantic grooming part. The frantic grooming seems to cause hairballs and vomiting. At least in cats. I haven’t really experimented much with this stress-management technique.)

But in humans, it’s a common trait of introverts that we feel drained, exhausted, and nervous in crowds: overstimulated, like we say of our cats when they start freaking out and have to hide in the closet. That’s a normal thing, and I’m not being antisocial when I have to step away from a crowd.

“Don’t go hide in the dark,” people would tell me. “Come sit with us.”

They didn’t often understand that sometimes I hide in the dark because I have to. Because I’ll start weeping with exhaustion if I have to sit in the middle of a laughing, boisterous crowd any longer. Because I just cannot handle that many people around me for long periods of time.

I write all this to tell you that it’s normal to need a break, normal for an introvert to need to step away from a crowd. I know these people meant well, but they were telling me to change a part of who I am.

So next time you’re dealing with someone shy or introverted, think about what you tell them. Appreciate their need for space. Go slowly. And take it as a compliment when they start to open up to you, because that means you’ve made them comfortable.


*I include a note here because I’ve noticed that it’s become trendy common for people to post articles about how they are introverts but not shy, and how introverts are harder to spot than you think. Every time I see someone who is the life of the party sharing one of those articles, I want to cry for those of us who identify as shy AND introverted: they’re throwing the curve off and changing expectations for the rest of us.

Why Write: YA with Steph Sessa

Today Steph Sessa is here to talk about YA and why teen stories have such a profound effect on people of all ages. Enjoy!

Hello, Steph, and welcome! Tell us a little about yourself and your work.

Hi! Thanks for having me! I’m a Philadelphia-based writer with obsessions in linguistics, music and ultimate frisbee. When not writing, I work part-time as a linguistic researcher and go to grad school for education. I write primarily YA, particularly speculative fiction, though recently I’ve been dabbling in NA contemporary.

What made you decide to write for young adults?

I think I’m one of the few people who loved high school. Like absolutely loved it. Yes, at times it was tough. But the experiences I had there are some I’ll never forget. It’s the time when everything matters and there’s so many emotions and you feel everything. All the emotions are amplified and part of the reason to read is to feel, so YA was just the obvious choice for me.

You also describe some of your work as speculative fiction — what exactly does that mean?

Speculative fiction is just a broad term for the fantastical genres, so fantasy, urban fantasy, paranormal, horror, scifi, dystopian etc.

What types of stories does young adult make possible? How about speculative fiction?

So many! YA is the time for self-discovery and new relationships (whether it’s boyfriends or just new friendships). It’s about finding out who you are and how to navigate relationships with other people. Speculative fiction allows the reader to get lost in a different world and to take a break from reality for a second. Readers can discover new worlds and situations that they can’t get in their every day lives. It’s an escape.

Aside from the obvious, what audience do you think YA attracts? Why do you think so many adults love to read YA fiction?

With YA it’s all about the feeling. As I said above, emotions are amplified so everything is terrible or amazing. Insecurities come out in the characters and all readers can relate, because everyone is insecure about something. I think adults like YA because it reminds us of a time in our lives when everything mattered, but we weren’t bogged down with car payments or rent or other boring things like that. It’s about relationships, which really are the most important things in life, and I think young adults and regular adults like to see that.

How does the audience alter the types of stories you tell and characters you write?

Everything has to be intensified. Since teenagers tend to have shorter attention spans (as do I!) things have to get going right from the beginning. Tension in the first page, first paragraph, first line. Hooking the reader early on is incredibly important because they might not give the book a chance otherwise. So the plot has start early on or the characters have to be interesting enough for the readers to want to spend 250+ pages with them. The characters have to change from the beginning to the end more prominently, because YA is about growth.

How does YA affect the stakes for your characters and your audience? And speculative fiction?

The problems aren’t going to be the same things I face on a day to day basis. For YA, they’re going to be problems that sixteen-year-olds usually have, so a fight with a friend, boyfriend, parent. They’re inter-personal problems. But including speculative fiction means including scenarios that you might not see everyday because of the setting. So maybe there are different species living in that world that’s hostile, or there’s a dystopian government that affects every aspect of life. So it’s the relationship problems plus a big picture problem.

How do you think your genre affects your audience?

My audience is going to be the people who read to feel and read to get lost in a world. Speculative fiction tends to have a lot of world building which can be a lot to take in sometimes. But it also has the chance to enhance the story significantly. It’s growth and emotions of the main character, with a fantastical plot.

For fun, what is your favorite genre to read? Why?

I read almost exclusively YA, and usually it’s either fantasy or light scifi. I do like contemporary YA as well.

Where can readers track you down?


Thanks for stopping by, Steph!

Why Write: Erotic Romance with Jennah Scott

J.ScottReaders, today we have writer Jennah Scott here to talk about erotic romance! Jennah’s a cross-genre writer, and today she has some great things to say about why people love romance, some of the differences between erotica and erotic romance, and why we all love a good steamy scene in the books we read. Enjoy!

Tell us a little about yourself and your work.
I’m still pretty new when it comes to the publishing community. I’ve been seriously writing for about three years now. I self-published my first book, Making His Mark, in January and just sold Scrap Metal to Liquid Silver Books. Scrap Metal is a contemporary romance that I wrote with my critique partner and very good friend, Alexi Raymond.

What made you decide to write erotic romance?
It was a challenge. When I originally decided I wanted to pursue a career in writing I started writing YA. All of my characters were older, more along the lines of New Adult, but at the time New Adult still wasn’t accepted. Then I decided to push myself and see if I could write romance. The romance challenge turned into writing erotic romance. I wanted to know if I could bring in the physical act of sex and layer in the emotion that comes along with physical attraction. There is so much vulnerability in opening yourself up to someone like that. I wanted to show that, let my readers experience the joy and complications sex can add to a story. A romance will always have tension, but being able to experience that tension play out to pleasure adds to the development of both the characters and relationship—in my opinion.

What types of stories does erotic romance make possible? Does the addition of the classification “erotica” influence the romances you write?
I think any story idea with the right characters could be erotic romance. Certain genres, like YA, don’t allow for erotic romance, which is fine with me. Personally, I don’t want to read about teenagers getting down and dirty. That should be a time they are exploring, so I’m good keeping it behind doors. Other than that, let the creativity flow. The thing about erotic romance is that the sex enhances the story. It’s not THE story. When it’s THE story then it’s erotica. Big difference. Erotic romance has a plot, character development, and a happily ever after. Writing erotic romance, for me, allows me to write without any restrictions.

What audience do you think erotic romance attracts? How does that alter the types of stories you tell and characters you write?
Good question! I’m usually surprised by the people that tell me they like erotic romance. In general though, I think the audience is women in their late twenties and up. The great thing about it is that you can love any genre and find an author that writes erotic romance in that genre. So it’s not limited to contemporary. The audience doesn’t alter my writing. If I’ve got a story I want to write, I write it. More than once I’ve decided to write a story because I couldn’t find one that I wanted to read. For instance, I just finished a story whose main characters are both in the video game development industry. There aren’t a whole lot of nerdy type males in books, so I wrote one.

How does erotic romance affect the stakes for your characters and your audience?
It increases the stakes. When you bring that layer into the mix it’s harder to leave and when the characters face problems the heartbreak is greater. Taking that step from a simple relationship to a more physical relationship can be a big deal. Depending on your character and their desires, there is a lot of trust building up. When that’s broken, it hurts. If I’ve written the story well enough, then my audience feels the pain and heartache.

Why do you think people love to read erotic romance?
Because you can let go of all your inhibitions. The characters do. Even if they have worries about what friends, family, etc. thinks they find a way to move past that. I think erotic romance gives readers a chance to let go of the stigma about sex and just enjoy.

For fun, what is your favorite genre to read? Why?
Contemporary romance is my favorite. But I’ll read almost anything. My favorite authors span across multiple genres from paranormal to historical, YA, New Adult, and everything in between. I love contemporary because I can easily relate to the locations, characters, etc. But there is something to be said about a good paranormal or fantasy that takes you into a whole new world you don’t want to leave.

Where can readers track you down?

Twitter: https://twitter.com/jennah_scott

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/authorjennahscott

Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/jennahscott/

Website: http://www.jennahscott.com

Thanks for stopping by, Jennah!

Frazzled Friday

Ghost town blog. Photo by Sebastien Dooris

You may have noticed the echoing silence ’round these parts the past couple weeks. I’m not trying to excuse myself, but I thought you might enjoy knowing where the heck I’ve been.

1. Last week, I was revising my latest book, Oasis, so I could get it sent off to my awesome agent. Revisions are labor intensive and nerve-wracking, and, with my other commitments, akin to having a second full time job. Agent-sending also requires a synopsis and some other front-matter for the manuscript itself, so that’s still more work being done.

2. Next week is Lughnasadh, a neo-pagan High Day, and I’ve been preparing liturgy and devotionals for the Solitary Druid Fellowship, of which I’m now the organizer. This is another project and a half, and one that’s very important to me… and quite literally on a deadline.

3. Speaking of druidry, I’m also working through the pre-clergy training program for ADF—I’d really like to get my preliminary coursework done by the end of the year, and every class requires some significant research and essay-writing… and still more revisions! In addition to that, I’m coordinator of a subgroup of ADF and mentor to another student, so I have a few other ongoing responsibilities there, as well.

4. I’ve been acting as Game Master for the completely magical and fabulous Magetech troupe, and we’ve been putting our game sessions up LIVE on the Searching for Superwomen YouTube channel. (Link to our first play session, where you can see me giggling madly and acting sadistic.) Gaming is a hell of a lot of fun, but GM-ing is quite a bit of work.

5. Over on Spellbound Scribes, we’ve increased posting frequency, so that means more work and more fun there, as well. Have you seen our story in the round? You can see my piece of it here.

And all of those things are in addition to yoga, belly dance class, an upcoming festival, attempting to see my various friends at least once a month, reading fiction, cooking, cleaning, spending time with my husband, and trying to conquer the ever-increasing pile of laundry in the bedroom closet.

We’re all busy, I know. But sometimes it’s hard to keep up with the blogging. Hang in there, readers. I’ll be back.