Happy Holidays

Tiny kitten can’t wait, either!

Last night, I got to dance early and got to spend some time chatting with one of the full troupe members. She asked how my week was, and I said, “SLOW!” She laughed and said she knows what I mean—the week before the Christmas/New Year break seems eternal because we’re all just WAITING for the holidays, the time off, the presents, Santa Claus, whatever. We’re cramming in the last few hours of work before family arrive, or we’re running around like maniacs trying to fit every last bit of preparation in before the stores all turn into pumpkins on Christmas Eve.

…I may be mixing my metaphors here.

Anyway, we have to pass the time, whether it goes too quickly or too slowly, and I thought I’d help you all out with that. Since it’s Friday (and since it’s almost vacation time!), I thought I’d share a few things that have had me giggling madly or saying “AWWWW!” lately. Enjoy…

Moon Moon! (For best effect, click the link and see the whole thing.)

I, too, must dance. At least at dance practice twice a week.

Aaaah! A goat!

Nope. I have no idea why. But I have a friend who owns goats, so this photo let me goat-bomb her Facebook wall.

The Oatmeal: How Different Age Groups Celebrate Christmas

Yep, sounds about right. Except I love Christmas.

The fairies have decorated for Christmas.

Please excuse the crappy Android photo. I’ma bust out the good camera later.

The cats discovered television.

Another crappy Android photo. I may have gotten into a lazy-photo rut.

And finally…

Romantic penguins!

Have a terrific weekend, everyone!

Advertisements

Zombie Defense: The Squirt Bottle

The trouble with your average Zombie Apocalypse Preparation program is that it neglects the most disturbing and dangerous of all zombies:

THE ZOMBIE CAT.

Sure, we’re sad ’cause it’s dead–TILL IT RISES AGAIN.

The zombie cat is no laughing matter. Behind that soft fur and those long whiskers lurk glowing eyes, sharp (if broken and decaying) claws, and the deadly ability to half-bury you in a litter box after they LAP UP YOUR BRAINS.

I’m telling you. Cats already want to kill us all.

Look at the murder in those eyes.

I’m telling you: we must prepare.

And only the best zombie apocalypse training programs will teach you how to defend yourself. So when ZAP General Emmie Mears asked me to write about the best weapon in the zombie small animal defense arsenal, I agreed.

Because what do all cats fear above ALL ELSE?

This specimen exhibits abnormal bravery in the face of the squirt.

The deadly squirt bottle.

A cat’s fear of the squirt bottle is so powerful, so primal, even the compelling need to consume brains cannot overcome it.

Should you ever find yourself cornered by the furry, rotting, grime-bucket of DOOM, you need to know how best to use your squirt bottle.

1. Know where the nearest water supply is. Your squirt bottle ain’t no use empty.

2. Practice twisting the flow-control nozzle to the right setting. That scattered mist scares no feline: you need the jet setting, and you need to get it fast.

3. Target practice is essential. A truly determined cat will not be phased by a flank hit. No, you need to aim for the face, the ears, the eyes, and the neck. That’s the only way to stop the assault.

Of course, all these methods will only stop a finite number of LOLing-zombies demanding brain-cheezburgers. There’s only one weapon that will stop a pack of zombie-cats, the nuclear bomb of the cat-world, but it merits a blog post of its own:

The jar full of loose change.

Be prepared, folks. You never know when you’re going to need your weapons.