I Guess the Wedding is Off!

I am planning a wedding.

Specifically, I’m planning my own wedding to the guy I’ve been dating for seven years and living with for five. The decision to get married wasn’t exactly a surprise—it was more like cleaning out the big box of old clothes in my closet. It’s something we’ve intended to do forever, but we’re only just now getting around to it because, frankly, planning a wedding is only marginally more fun and satisfying than said box-emptying… but it’s a lot more expensive and time-consuming.

Okay, that was bitter. As we get closer to the wedding, I’m getting a lot more excited, and that big box was never even remotely amusing.

I’m finding that the more decisions I make about the wedding, the more silly problems—many of them even hypothetical!—I come across.

“What if the out-of-town officiant has an emergency and can’t make it?”

“What if the Etsy sculptor can’t give the owl a bowtie?”

“The handfasting cord is too lightweight, and if it’s windy, it’ll blow around!”

These questions irritate the crap out of me, because people don’t seem to like my answers. Saying, “I guess we’ll find someone else to perform the service,” or, “I’ll guess the owl will have a regular tie,” or plain old, “Oh well,” just seems to puzzle people.

Drew has started answering all of these questions with a straight-faced, “Well, I guess the wedding’s off!”

Oh, no, we didn’t get out first choice rehearsal venue! “Well, I guess the wedding’s off!”

The nearest Men’s Wearhouse is 45 minutes away! “Well, I guess the wedding’s off.”

What if said Men’s Wearhouse doesn’t have shoes big enough for the father-of-the-groom? “Well, I guess the wedding’s off!”

The groomsman’s gift arrived broken! “Well, I guess the wedding’s off!”

You get the idea. It puts all these bridal catastrophes into perspective. Because, really, we’re getting married. Flowers, cake-toppers, ribbons, shoes, and pocket watches really don’t matter in the scheme of things. It’s going to be an amazing day.

Plus, Drew got me Medieval Sims to play when I start to feel stressed out. And that’s love.