The Couple Pudge

My husband and I recently had that horrible moment where one of us looked at the other and said, “You know, my pants are getting kind of tight!”

And the other said, “Hmm. Mine, too.”

Then we had a moment kind of like this one:

This was quite awhile ago, too.

The trouble with being happily coupled off is that it’s just so much nicer to stay at home on Friday night (or any night), order a pizza, and rewatch The Importance of Being Earnest than it is to, say, go play tennis. Playing tennis involves putting on tennis shoes, gathering equipment, getting all smelly, and, you know, having somewhere to play tennis.

As it is, the only exercise we get is when we fight like dogs over the last breadstick in the bag before we go back to sitting, winded, on the couch.

And it ain’t pretty, folks.

I may be exaggerating a bit, but the bottom line is true: we’ve both gained a significant amount of weight. We enable each other, you see. We’ll encourage the other one to eat another cookie or watch another episode of the show-of-the-moment because then it makes it okay to consume more junk food or TV yourself.

We’ve also reached the age where we can’t eat six pizzas in a night and then comfortably button up our jeans the next morning. The approaching big 3 – 0 means the metabolism slows and the waistline grows. We’re not 18 anymore, and the calories no longer burn themselves.

It’s hard to work out together, too. We tried running in tandem recently, but my husband is a foot taller than me. He can walk at the speed of my jog. It’s pitiful. Most coupley-sports also require at least a bicycle or a racket, and we can’t go buying bikes and rackets willy-nilly, even if we had somewhere to keep them.

Our solution? Walking.

Revolutionary, I know. But we’re trying to make the semi-recommended 10,000 steps per day, and it’s harder than it sounds. When you work at a computer all day, it’s hard to get more than about 3,000. And every bit of movement has to help, right?

We’re also cutting back on our pizza and delicious baked-good consumption, which is, for me, harder. I like exercise. I like walking. I also love delicious baked goods. I wouldn’t give up food for $10,000 (though give me six figures and we’ll talk).

There you have it—simple, but not easy. Cut the input, increase the output. Easy to say when we’re both sitting on the couch, staring at our laptops.

Anyone have any advice for shedding the couple-pudge?